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Grumpy Grandpappy vs. Buzzwords

Posted on September 11, 2017

We recently sat down with our good friend, Grumpy Grandpappy and asked him to share his thoughts on website headlines, copywriting and buzzwords, etc. Here’s what he had to say….

Hello internet. It’s me, Grumpy Grandpappy.

Do you know what makes me grumpier than having to rewind my VHS tapes? WEBSITES WHERE THE BUSINESS DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHAT IT IS THEY ACTUALLY DO! Sorry I’m yelling. I haven’t had my Sanka yet today.

Pull your chair up and take a gander at the idiot-box. Here’s an example:

“Providing Dynamic Solutions and Thinking Outside The Box”

What in tarnation does that mean? That monkey-crap pile of a website headline doesn’t tell me ANYTHING about what this business does… or for whom they provide services. They think they’re being clever by using all of these fancy-schmancy buzzwords… That’s what my nephew, Tyler calls them anyway… buzzwords. I remember this one time Tyler was visiting me and his auntie Eunice, and he accidentally locked himself in the powder room. He was yelling and pounding on the door, but we couldn’t hear him because we had the Zenith volume turned up on high. Eunice loves her some Lawrence Welk. Where was I? Buzzwords… right. Buzzwords are bad. Here’s another example:

“Creating Synergy Between Thought Leadership and Brand Perspective”

JEEBUS H. CHRISTMAS! Has holding that pocket telephone too close to your head made you go CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS?! How do you expect to sell your products and services when your website headline is a big jumbled mess of trying-to-be-too-clever nonsense? Lord help me, here’s one last example:

“At The End of The Day, It’s All About Being Disruptive”

I’ll tell you what’s disruptive… my dark side of the moon after the all-you-can-eat fish fry at the local Elks Lodge. What’s that…? Ah. Eunice says I’m being too crude. Now, where was I?

The moral of the story… Stop trying to be so rootin’ tootin’ darn snazzy when you write your website’s headline and copy. Your website visitors take just a few quick seconds to scan your page, so make sure that you write clear, concise and straight-to-the-point copy. Look at Torx’s own home page for an example of a good headline:

“We Create Kick-Ass Websites and Compelling Digital Marketing Campaigns”

Damn right, they do! So keep it simple… keep it short… and keep away from all those new-fangled buzzwords. I’m pleased as punch that you took time out of your busy day to read my ramblings. But now I must leave you. It’s time for Matlock.